How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
