Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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