i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
