He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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