saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
This is the prime rib incident all over again
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
