wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
