I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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