very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
