i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I have feelings that need drinking.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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