I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Sext me about skeletons
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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