but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
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