I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
