listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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