And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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