very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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