Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
