Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
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Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
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I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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