Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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