he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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