You don't have asthma, your pregnant
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
