tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
