Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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