you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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