I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
