Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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