is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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