I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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