haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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