Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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