I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize