Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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