Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
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All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
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This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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