Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
