Welp...herpes.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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