KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
