You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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