I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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