sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
