I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
