the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
