Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
