dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
