Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize