you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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