he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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