ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
