well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
