The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I wear drunk well.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
