I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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