I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
