Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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