Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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