I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She announced her abortion via fbk
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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