There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
