Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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