Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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