it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
