Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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