I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
