Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize