He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
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I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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